Burying
by luft
Summary: It was not just a friend she buried that day.


**Note:** This takes place in my universe..... =p Yes it's anti-GSR but it's just what I saw after watching "The Happy Place"

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With one last look at their bedroom, she picked her bags up and walked towards the door, determined never to look back. Her heart was heavier than her bags, and she bit her lips, trying not to shed a tear. The past week had been hard, and as she walked out towards her waiting cab, she could not help but feel that Warrick's was not the only funeral she came to attend.

Of course she did not expect him to be okay. She had expected the grief, the despondency, the anger, the helplessness and the disillusionment. She had expected him to be much more reticent than before. What she had not expected though, was being locked out and kept in the cold. She knew it was not going to be easy, or that their relationship was going to be the same since she left. She had left without a proper explanation, just a long letter explaining her actions. But she had kept in touch after that, when she finally felt she was ready. And that was how their relationship had always been - they hardly made use of the words they possess, their feelings often conveyed by a smile, a touch, a look. They were both independent, individualistic people with awkward social skills. They understood each other, and this dance around their feelings had been going on for so long that when they finally found the courage to face each other, the concept of 'they' was already formed and need not be created again through 'getting to know you' conversations. They moved seamlessly from being colleagues with a history to lovers with a history.

They never dealt with the issues, and the first thing that rang alarm bells in her head was when they first and finally had a real talk in defining their relationship. And that was only when forced by Ecklie during his review. To her, she's only really had him for two happy, contented years. He however, saw those seven other painful years of finding each other as part of their relationship too. She had to laugh at that, as the memories came flooding back. The bitterness of being turned down, her jealousy on hearing him ask Sofia out, the betrayal at finding out that he might have been intimate with Lady Heather from Catherine while processing a crime scene, his confession to a suspect regarding his inaction, living through those years thinking that she was not worth his sacrifice. Only to have those hurtful emotions she had be mocked by him. I've loved you all these while, he said. And rejecting her was part of his way of showing it.

Who could then blame her for being insecure in the relationship? Having grown up without the steady, unwavering love of a parent had made her wary of said emotion. She had a hard time trusting people, yet she found herself moving across the country just for him. At that time, she told herself it was good for her career - being offered a job and the second-best crime lab in the country was an opportunity she would be stupid to turn down. She also admitted to the small hope she held of pursuing a relationship with him.

What she did not expect to find, however, was love. Just not from him, not initially. Over the years, she learnt that love had many different faces, can be found in different places, be expressed in many different ways. It did not always hurt. It makes you feel more alive, and she understood why it was always associated with happiness. It is not exclusively romantic, it is not reserved only for one person. She knew her love for him then was selfish, she wanted him to love her when she could not yet love herself, or anyone else.

Over the years, love came in the form of her colleagues-turned-friends, in the form of Nick, the upbeat, handsome Texan who was never selfish with his charming smile. Despite having gone through his own form of hell, he bounced back, still believing in the good of humanity. They had their rivalries, but their relationship had always been easy, mellow, supportive. He was the one who found her in the desert. She would be forever thankful for him. There was Catherine, the only other woman in their team. Strong, tough-as-nails, intelligent. She respected the older woman the moment they met, despite having had to work at trusting each other. She was the closest to a mother-figure that she knew, and she envied the fierce love she had for her daughter. Greg, the former lab technician who wanted so much to be a CSI that he gladly took a paycut for it. She taught him all about his new job. He taught her to laugh. They both watched each other grow, and mellowed each other over the years. And over time, they developed an easy, comfortable understanding, a working relationship that lasted out of the office. He was her closest friend, and more.

Then there was Warrick. Warrick, who was the most similar to her. An orphan. Seeking the love and approval of the same man as she did. Wanting more than anything to have love, normalcy and stability in his life. A family of his own - something they both grew up without. If she had only been there, reached out to him when he was going through his troubles - she of all people would have understood. The rebellion, losing control, throwing oneself into a case so deep just to escape from the hauntings of reality. But she had left him, and the loves of her life, because she could not love herself anymore.

But Warrick's was not the only love that came to an end. Despite being welcomed into his open arms when she first arrived, he had effectively shut her out the entire time she had been there. They had lapsed back to that uneasy stage of their relationship, and she was trying once again to break through his walls, be important to him. She knew that he was grieving, but she thought that with the loss of someone so dear to them, it would lead him to take stock of their relationship. Secretly, she wanted him to go after her, something he had never done in their entire relationship. She had pursued him to Vegas, she had asked him out, she faced his rejection, and asked him again and again till he relented. And now, when she herself was searching for her own answers, she found herself asking more questions regarding this love they had. And the answers he had given..

She sighed and closed the door to his house behind her. She came to Vegas to attend Warrick's funeral. Instead, she found herself losing a victim she had cared about for 8 years along with her bereaved husband to an unjust world. And through that, she saw herself staring too at the ashes of her short relationship. At least she was leaving with an answer. She had always loved him more.


End file.
